As Close to Us as Breathing: A Novel by Elizabeth Poliner

Author:Elizabeth Poliner [Poliner, Elizabeth]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Little, Brown and Company
Published: 2016-03-14T19:00:00+00:00

Late in May, almost five months since Bec had seen Tyler and his wife and baby, Bec decided to drive to New Haven once again but ended up driving to Woodmont, visiting the cottage there for the last time in her life.

She didn’t know that would be the case when she set out. She intended to make her way to Tyler. Unlike her last attempt at seeing him, this time she knew that she couldn’t change the past or repair the damage she’d done. But she could at least tell Tyler she loved him, had never intended to part ways with him forever, had gotten mixed up, confused, more than a little lost. And then she could say, her dignity intact, a proper good-bye.

But for all her bold intentions, when she got to New Haven she didn’t exit from the highway but kept driving south.

When she arrived at Woodmont it was still morning, overcast, the sun behind the clouds pushing its way through every so often in brief flashes of light. She would have liked to stop for a cup of coffee but Sloppy Joe’s and the Villa Rosa hadn’t yet opened for the season. The entire village, it seemed, was closed. She drove past the synagogue, the words Hebrew Congregation of Woodmont as distinct as ever over its entranceway but its windows nailed tight with winter shutters and its front doors sealed with a large lock. Minutes later, from the cottage’s front porch, she glanced at the many other cottages in the cluster along the Bagel Beach shore. A wave of sadness struck her as she took in their emptiness: windows shut, doors locked, porches cleared of the summer clutter of outdoor furniture and towels and rafts and rubber tubes.

Inside the cottage silence settled around her like dust. She stood for a moment in the thick of it: the hush, the emptiness. Then, slowly, she took stock of the place, just as she and her sisters always had, roaming from room to room, unable to keep from touching the old family furnishings. Everything was still the same: the sofa bed, the corner chairs, the covered dining table, her cot and wicker chair. Upstairs, the claw-footed tub looked as freshly scrubbed as it had when she’d cleaned it the last day of the summer before.

In the back bedroom, the one Vivie and Leo had shared, Bec opened the closet only to find hanging there a lone remnant of the past, the strapless dress and matching jacket she’d made, with such hope in her heart, for Nina two summers ago. She pulled it from the closet, then sat on the bed holding the dress in her lap, her arms circling it, her body rocking back and forth. In its folds there wasn’t even a hint of that hopefulness left—for Nina, for her, for anyone else. She could feel that as she sat there, clinging helplessly.

Minutes passed. Finally she rose, re-hung the dress, shut the closet door with a final click, and made her way downstairs.

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